Reading and Writing: An Interlude
WARNING!
I suppose you’ve got used to me running off topic once in a while, but don’t worry - this does contain some relevant material about sound!
As this is probably going to be one of ‘those’ posts, I should warn you that if you’re not all up in the blogosphere grill then you won’t be interested and probably stopped reading at the word “blogosphere” anyway.
For the rest of you, here is a bit of brain splurge about the dark side of how I have to administrate and cover a lot of my work as well as trying to identify why I’m having problems completing my book.
I LOVE WRITING
Seriously, you don’t know how much.
In real life I’m friendly (I’m told) but awkward. I talk fast with a monotonous tone and suffer from a stutter - which I personally find hilarious. I look odd, have a bald head but fluffy hair, wave my hands around as I talk and can’t stop my body from moving, tapping and knocking from excess energy. I sleep for only five hours per night because of this and from the extra time I glean, I try and use it to do creative things such as writing a book, editing videos, writing music, learning about world politics, geography, history, science, law and - my personal favourite - reading encyclopaedias like some people read comic books.
That said I don’t actually read comic books, but I have read about them if only to keep up with ever-increasingly suspicious friends…
This is why writing is something of a refuge to me. I have to do it in some cases - but I almost always do it because I want to, which I appreciate is a lucky situation to be in.
The thing is - I love writing, but only stuff like a blog or that kind of writing where you get the immediate rush from hand-vomiting a load of text quickly and accurately. Being able to articulate thoughts quickly and comprehensively is a blessing. I have students who struggle to conjure 1,500 words in 12 weeks on a broad subject, I know people who will sit down at a screen ready to type an email, only to surrender with an immediate “Dunno what to write.” There are even some people (I am informed) who try and avoid writing entirely!
In all honesty, I get really frustrated with these attitudes because, as much as I try, I can’t understand it.
It’s not their fault - not the student, nor the friend nor unmentionables. It’s definitely my fault for holding this view, at least I understand that…
As I age and wise up (just a little, mind you) I’m beginning to appreciate that I’m a very lucky person when it comes to writing. It feels entirely natural, comes out in one singular flow and generally any email, blog, message, letter, article, lecture - even text - that you might read of mine is a first draft with just a quick once over for stupidness.
Whether it’s any good or not could be the subject of debate if anyone was actually interested, but I can only judge comparatively against the professionals I am lucky enough to work with and those I choose to read. The point I’m trying to make is I do not find it difficult to create, compose then prose; when I read it back I believe I’ve got my point across.
My first English teacher was called Mr Beck (or “Cheesy” Beck as we affectionately called him, albeit behind his back) and he was unknowingly instrumental in my writing development. On receiving my pretty awesome “Robots Kill All Humans” first-person think-piece at age 11 (based on my reoccurring dreams/nightmares of the apocalypse that I have to this day) he told me in critique: “Andrew, once you know the rules of the English language then you are free to bend them”
I responded with a sincere “Sir, do you know all the rules of the English language or how I could get them?”
“Detention, Andrew” came the humourless full stop to our exchange.
What Cheesy Beck did not realise at the time was that my 11 year old mind was entirely free of sarcasm and cynicism at this point of my life. Believe it or not I genuinely thought there was a single, formal, Oxbridge-ratified document entitled “The Rules of the English Language” to be learned. Terrifying. I thought this for at least six months afterwards as I was too embarrassed to ask any other teachers through fear of further punishment. And I went to boarding school where (even in 1991) punishment was punishment in all its brutal, physical glory. I could have Googled it, but at this time the internet was very much in its infancy and all you could get was a text only version of the Yellow Pages online. Who would have used it anyway? The book, after all, had pictures…
It was from this advice that I had subconsciously shaped my approach to writing. Don’t worry about the rules, just try and get down what is in your brain and quickly as you can, in as fewer words as you can and as clearly as you can. That is the approach I have employed since and I think I’ve been pretty lucky in accidentally retaining this attitude as it seems to have led to a lot of work.
I HATE WRITING
So you get that I believe writing comes fairly easily to me? Well, that’s not always true. Having loved writing so much I chose to do an English degree. I dropped out after the first year having only completed one essay and even that was about writing’s dumb, slobbering, unplanned cousin: poetry. It was terrible being forced to study something I adored - a mistake I was at least lucky not to have made with music. This structure, the enforced nature of creative manufacture, brought out the single rebellious side of an agnostic pacifist. In some cases, it just seems that I love doing something until I’m told to do it.
There have been other writing jobs, everything including simple reviews for local music mags, technical journals and beta-test write ups to magazine articles, copywriting for radio, proofing and rewrites for national magazines. Admittedly, these examples have been much shorter projects, but still - the imposed framework of audience and editor irk me needlessly.
Music, my other job, is no different. In the past I have been asked to compose music for TV/Corporate and guess what? I didn’t want to do that either! It’s happened a number of times but two that stick out in particular are a corporate ident (little swish bit of music as the logo comes on screen) where they wanted an orchestra, but didn’t have the budget for an orchestra and a 10 minute short where they wanted an orchestra, but didn’t have the budget for an orchestra.
In these kind of ‘creative’ situations I shut down and become quite difficult with myself - the proverbial child throwing themselves down in the supermarket aisle ready for an all-out screamathon. This is not a professional attitude (for most) and I’m fully aware of that. For these clients and their projects I wrote, arranged, submitted and then refused to co-operate further because the creative process had already been compromised for me.
How is this relevant to writing?
Well - the same thing has started happening with my book.
Two years ago I started writing my first text for a big publisher - you’ll even see accounts of it further down this blog. I’ll tell you now, it’s bang on to be a killer book. What I’ve done is taken all the universal good practice in sound science, recording, mixing and mastering - mixed it together with plain English and slight, British humour and then topped it off with a progressive layout and artwork.
Needless to say, it shouldn’t need a rewrite. I don’t think I’d argue this time around anyway - my publishers are big cheeses and know the world of books much better than I…
“Big publisher? Book deal? Killer Text? British humour? Progressive layout? It should be great! What’s your problem Lansley?!”
I hear you collectively cry in silence.
The problem is, as it stands, I’m struggling to finish it. As I told my editor “All the words are there, they’re just not in the right order” and I really meant it. I’ve spent the last two weeks rewriting and rewriting and refining and rewording and rewriting. I can honestly see it going on for another month at a minimum and me ending up begging them to delay because I know how good it can be. I even have an appearance at the Cheltenham Lit Fest lined up and they’re going to be peed off to say the least if this isn’t done on time…
But that’s the problem isn’t it? I’ve done the fun, creative bit and it’s all come out of my brain on schedule - I am at once not happy with it, not happy about changing it but simultaneously in absolute agreement with myself that it must be refined until perfect. In fact, I won’t be happy with it until it’s quite literally the best book in its field on the market. No one understands more than I that in order to finish it off, I desperately need to overcome a personal block that has hampered me professionally since I wrote “Robots Kill All Humans” back in ‘91.
How? How do I break this? I’m chained to my laptop, writing. Even now.
Hopefully, taking a break and writing this is the appropriate therapy I’ve been seeking. Perhaps I just need to express myself honestly in order to progress. I don’t know, but hopefully it’ll all be easier tomorrow.
ANY CONCLUSIONS? ANYTHING? AT ALL?
Your evidence, ladies and gentlemen?
In the hour it took to write and check this - I should have been finishing my book.
I’m my own worst enemy, that’s my conclusion.
